How to Save a Life
by alixxblack
Summary: Arthur can't sleep and goes out for a walk. When Merlin comes to wake the king the next morning his is missing. Merlin races away from the castle hoping to find the king, hoping to find the king alive... One-shot, minor slash (not explicit).


Disclaimer: This brilliance is not mine, unfortunately. I just threw it together this afternoon while I was chilling out. I hope someone likes my totally not-for-profit recreation of the BBC's Merlin. Merthur – minor slash, nothing explicit.

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Arthur was pacing back and forth along the side of the river in the middle of the night. Since becoming king and banishing Gwen he'd been mostly miserable. And if he wasn't miserable he was never far from it. In hindsight, he did have Merlin to thank for both. His annoying manservant did everything he could to bring Gwen up until Arthur banned such discussion. His new habits were focused upon doing things the exact same way that Gwen had to remind him of her absence. As if Arthur could ever forget. On the flip side, though, Merlin was doing a fantastic job of making sure he laughed every now and again as well. The king couldn't deny that much and was thankful for the effort.

This night, though, as he'd lie in his bed alone he couldn't stand the feeling of loneliness. This caused him to get up in the middle of the night and pace the river bank. His boots made a soft crush against the sand which would alert just about anyone in the forest that he was there. It was risky and reckless but sometimes that seemed to be Arthur's forte: risky and reckless. He just pulled his hood over his head and continued walking along the river.

Merlin woke earlier than usual. _The stars and the moon were still in the sky saying good-bye to the sun_, he had thought to himself, _but alas I am up._ Merlin threw together some sort of gruel mess before jogging his way to the King's bedroom to wake him for the day's activities. Arthur had taken to dawn training sessions by himself in which Merlin posed as the dummy. He would have to say this was his least favorite part of the day but he did it with a smile. This was all a part of the destiny he was to fulfill, after all. He reminded himself of the role every day.

"Your majesty, I've come to wake you!" Merlin screamed after shutting heavy doors behind him. Breakfast wouldn't be until after training but the King would want his armor ready for him which Merlin always prepared while the King ignored his calls to wake. Merlin continued to prance around the room pulling bits of armor out and his trousers, his boots…his boots… The majesty's boots were not there? Merlin walked over to the curtains and jerked them open. It was still dark but there'd be just enough sunlight to shed enough brightness for Merlin to see around the king's quarters. Merlin turned to see exactly what he might have expected had he been paying closer attention.

Arthur wasn't there.

The night was growing darker and the dark. He wasn't sure anymore what the hour might be or hour long he'd been away. His eyes were heavy and he'd have to rest eventually. This thought caused the king to lay down near the shoreline. The water smelled fresh and delightful. It made him calm again and he appreciated the feeling. Arthur kept his hood over his eyes and rest in the sand peacefully. He could feel his breaths growing shallow and soon enough his mind switched off, allowing the King of Camelot to sleep along the river.

Merlin stood in the King's room and contemplated how he might have felt and what he might have done with the feelings. _Arthur misses Gwen, I can see it in his eyes_, Merlin thought to himself, _if I were spending time with Gwen in secret where would I do it?_ Merlin paced the room in the same fashion Arthur might have done in the days after banishing Gwen. Merlin should have gone with her, perhaps Arthur would not be missing as he stood there trying to be the King in essence as Arthur did who knew what at some unknown location.

_I would have gone out for a walk to get away from the castle,_ Merlin started heading out the door quietly so as not to disturb the knights that had rooms every in the castle, _I would have wanted to get away from everything that reminded me of her._ Merlin's boots made a loud noise against the stone walls as he pushed himself to run faster and faster down the corridors. His heart was racing as he considered which direction and how far Arthur might have gone in an attempt to escape his feelings.

Merlin slipped in muck as he grabbed a horse. Travelling on a horse would be much quicker than traveling on foot. He had done a quick count when he'd arrived at the stables and found that Arthur had not done the same. This was a good thing because now Merlin was sure he'd be able to find Arthur in half the time it'd taken him to get away. The worry he now held was: how far had Arthur gotten? Frantically Merlin climbed on the horse and used magic to force the horse into an immediate sprint.

_What sorts of things made Arthur happy? _Merlin should have known this but in all his attempts to keep the King of Camelot alive, even in his days as a prince, Merlin forgot to pay attention to the finer details that made up the king's strange personality. _This is awful, think logically. That's all Arthur tries to do!_

This sort of thinking led Merlin to the nearest creek. He followed the water source until it met a river that was flowing to the east. Arthur probably would have gone west because it lead away from the kingdom. The horse trotted over the creek as directed but refused to go through the river because of how deep it was. Merlin jumped off the horse and started swimming his way to the other side. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to be on the other side but that's where he ended up. Still panicked he started to run straight ahead.

His chest expanded rapidly as he continued to move forward. Merlin could only hear his panting. He'd had to have been running upstream for an hour or more. He still hadn't found the king. Something told him to keep going in that direction, an instinct. He sloshed through the river and so much mud. It had rained the night before and it wasn't making his tracking of Arthur any easier. Merlin just kept going, though, because he had to find the king. Hopefully before anyone else…

Arthur was floating face down just off shore. His body had caught on some sloshy rock and branchy mess. Merlin's heart was racing faster than ever before as his mind danced with the possibility that he'd failed the king. The King of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon, could be dead. Dead! Merlin ripped off his scarf and top his jacket hoping that it would make dragging Arthur's body back to solid ground easier. Hair was sticking to his forehead but the young warlock didn't have time for that, he had to save Arthur. If there was anything left to save of his friend he had to try.

His body was heavy on Merlin's shoulders and he was definitely hunching more than what should have been safe but he only slipped twice, never allowing Arthur's head to plunge under the surface of the water again. Merlin finally slammed the king onto the matted wet grass. The sun was warming Merlin's skin but Arthur was blue. Tears were tickling the sides of his eyes already. Could the king even be saved?

_Adplica__aqua__foras__, sit hoc __puer__vivere__._

Merlin frowned and let tears fall on the king's drenched clothes. His chest did not move.

_Da huic__puer__vita!_

_Decederetur,__aqua,__inhalantes__aer__!_

Nothing Merlin said was working. His spells were useless. The manservant couldn't think straight enough to pull another spell from his mind so he started pressing on Arthur's chest. Merlin kept pushing and pushing. Every few attempts to revive Arthur resulted in trickles of water escaping his mouth. Color still wasn't returning to the young king's face but Merlin felt as if he were getting somewhere.

Something like five minutes had to have passed and Merlin couldn't be sure that any more water would leave Arthur's lungs. Somehow the warlock forgot to check for a pulse. He regretfully pressed his fingers to the king's neck first. After felt the pulse a smile spread across his face. Merlin didn't care how small the hope was because at least there was some hope. He pressed against his majesty's chest again.

Still nothing changed. Merlin continued checking for the pulse which was still steady but definitely slow. If Merlin couldn't figure something out the king would die after he'd arrived. There would be no denying the manservant's fault in Arthur's death. Merlin cannot fail the people of Camelot, he couldn't fail his king. As he thought about reviving the drowned he recalled breathing air into the individual's mouth to force the lungs back into motion. Merlin looked over Arthur's limp body and back up to his face where his thin purple lips remained unmoving. Awkward as it would be he'd have to try. He'd rather be banished from Camelot for whatever Arthur would accuse him of than allowing him to die. _Just one deep breath_, Merlin insisted to himself, _that should be all it takes to get him back up again._

Arthur's lips were cold, colder than Merlin expected. He pushed air down the king's throat with on hand on his chest. There was slight movement! Merlin allowed excitement to get the better of him and he formed a smile. Another deep breath and he pushed it into Arthur's chest again. And again. And again! Merlin's shaky hands felt for Arthur's pulse and found that it was a little quicker. He had nearly revived the King of Camelot! The sun was growing warmer and color was finally starting to return to Arthur's cheeks. He was so close to bringing Arthur back from near death.

Merlin had his mouth forming a perfect pathway so that he could bring Arthur pack. His hand kept the King's nose shut and he forced the air from his lungs to his friend's. He started to pull away when he heard a small gasp from Arthur. He pulled away and looked over his king. _He's breathing on his own again_, Merlin was almost calm enough to sit back and wait for Arthur to wake. Just to be sure he shook the young Pendragon's arm. There was no response. _This really is the last time, _Merlin concluded, _he'll be stable enough. I'll just have to wait._

Merlin confirmed his pulse which was strong before leaning in one last time to breathe down his master's neck, quite literally, and hopefully to restore his life completely. Merlin's lips had barely brushed Arthur's when the king moved on his own accord. One hand slipped behind Merlin's head and pulled him in more quickly. Merlin was confused as to what exactly was going on but he didn't resist the gesture either. Their lips were together again only this time Arthur was kissing his manservant. It wasn't an attempt to bring the king back to life on Merlin's part but the warlock did not resist his king.

Merlin pulled back after a few moments hoping that Arthur would open his eyes and see what he was doing. Perhaps it was the comfort that made Merlin hesitant to continue. He'd never thought of himself as being attracted to Arthur before but now that the king had unexpectedly kissed him the concept was inserted abruptly into his mind. Men were not in love with other men, it was unheard of in Camelot. It was unheard of everywhere. Merlin shook himself back to reality to see Arthur staring up at him with a furrowed brow.

"Merlin." The manservant moved away from the king allowing him to sit up and started whatever lecture he was thinking up. Arthur did sit up but he did not speak at first. This made Merlin even more nervous. Only a minute or two ago the king was kissing him, a man kissing a man, and holding the warlock close to his face.

Did Merlin miss something about Arthur all those years they'd been working together? Did Merlin miss something about himself while he invested his time in saving others? He didn't know anything personal about Arthur such as his sexual desires…perhaps for men…or what even calmed him down when he was tense. As for Merlin, he'd never really had courted anyone. There was Freya for a short period of time, but that was not a story he allowed himself to linger on anymore. Those days were long ago. He'd shown no interest in another woman after that. He now considered whether that was because he was so deeply invested in Arthur, in maybe more way than one. How could Merlin not know this about himself?

"Arthur, you were dying. I had to do something…nothing else worked…" Merlin finally broke the silence surrounding them. He feared what the king would say if he didn't first begin the conversation. He supposed there was no better time to try explaining himself than right away. Merlin nodded in agreement with himself.

"I don't think you need to be defending yourself here." This was uncharacteristically honest of Arthur and kind too. Merlin turned towards the king to look at him directly. He feared some level of awkwardness but when the gesture was returned he couldn't maintain eye contact. He had so many questions. Perhaps Arthur could sense this when Merlin turned away, "If we just pretend this incident never happened perhaps that is for the better."

"Absolutely not. We're talking about this." Merlin couldn't believe his temper. Usually the roles were switched and Merlin was the apologetic one. Arthur usually was the one to bite of his head and demand things. Everything was backwards. Except for Merlin saving the king's life, that was a normal occurrence. That was the only thing that did make sense!

"Merlin, I'd really rather not talk about it again. A few months ago I was in love with Gwen. Then she kissed Lancelot and I banished her. Now I'm in the forest only alive because of you. For which I reacted very…well, you know how I reacted. You were there for that part." That was more like Arthur, to avoid saying directly what he was feeling. He never addressed things that made him incredibly uncomfortable. If Uther had done anything to damage Arthur it was making him remove his feelings from every situation. It benefited him as a king but not as a person. Merlin found dealing with this part of his personality the hardest.

"I was there. I was confused. I am still confused. But I am not going to just ignore it. You clearly need to talk about something. I don't care if it's about unicorns and sunshine but you're talking about _something_." Merlin hated to be so forceful. If this was a secret that Arthur had been keeping he'd been doing in hopes of protecting Merlin and the men around him, assuming that _that_ was his secret. The young warlock could relate. Only Lancelot had known about his magic, aside from Gaius, and keeping it hidden from everyone came at a terrible price.

"I don't want to talk about unicorns and sunshine, M_er_lin. I really just want to go back to Camelot and cancel whatever plans I have and do nothing. I can do that, can't I? I am king after all." His trademark smile spread across his lips. He knew that it wasn't possible but he definitely considered doing it. Merlin knew how desperately Arthur would like to take a day to himself and remember the times when those responsibilities weren't his to bear.

"It's a good thing the only plans you had were training and being a clotpole then, it won't take a lot of cancelling, will it?" Arthur responded by shoving Merlin weakly. Their jokes were constant but easy. They'd met on an insult and their friendship had survived by the same wit daily. Merlin was the one to finally stand up and stretch his legs. His wet clothes clung to his body, if you could say he had much a body so to speak.

"Merlin…" The king's voice was serious and grew louder as he joined Merlin on his feet. They continued looking ahead with an unspoken understanding. "You won't say a word?"

Merlin had promised many times in the past not make certain jokes or references in front of others. The best example was when he'd been trying to put a hole in his belt to hide the fact that Arthur had gained some weight. He then made a joke at dinner about it and been punished the next day. All the time Merlin was doing these sorts of things but this time it was a serious matter. Something that the knights would casually joke about, this was something completely different. This would a promise that Merlin would have to keep.

"I won't tell a soul. I just hope that eventually you can tell me." Merlin turned away from his companion and began trailing his way back to where he'd left the horse. Chances were it hadn't moved. It would have been far too tired to go anywhere else. If Merlin was really lucky it would still be sleeping there. It had been a few hours but after the amount of work the warlock had demanded from the creature, well, a few hours wouldn't have been enough.

_A few hours won't be enough for me, either, _Merlin consoled himself, _No amount of time is going to change what happened today. We will never be the same._

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The "spells" were Latin phrases for the following in order:

-Bring the water forward, let this boy live.

-Give this boy life!

-Evacuate the water, inhale the air!

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Please, please, please don't completely hate this 3 Please?!


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